You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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