I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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