i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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