4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Come see our sink grown plant.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
