The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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