FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
