do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
