he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
