Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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