I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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