Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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