his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
