I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
