his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
