it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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