Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
