On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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