just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
