If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
