it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
