the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
