his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
