I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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