Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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