Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
