hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
