When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
