girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
