You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
