Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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