he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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