Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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