I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
