So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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