i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
