In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
