I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize