Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
