i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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