Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm passing your future prison.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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