the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
