So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
