wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize