We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
