I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
