somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
