so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
