just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
