cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
