he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
