I cannot find my penis.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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