I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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