i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
