I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
