hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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