Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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