why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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