I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
