11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
