just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
