I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
