I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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