Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
