I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
