Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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