Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
