apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
