What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
