Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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