Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
