I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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