just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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