Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
