I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
