he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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