Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
